By Rabab J Ghadiali
Recently I was approached by a woman who was ambitious, driven, wanted to carve a niche for herself professionally and also on the personal front was very loving, caring and wanted to give her full attention to the family. Sounds familiar, right?!
Her main issue was that her husband wanted to focus more on her household responsibilities which he thought were getting neglected due to her job. They had small children and their proper upbringing was the main concern for both of them. She wanted me to help her out in deciding what she should do in this scenario because due to this difference of opinion she was neither able to perform well at work and there were constant disagreements in the house as well between the couple.
Now, before the feminist jump to comment that her husband was wrong; why should she sacrifice her career etc. Let us analzye it before suggesting any solution or jumping to any conclusion.
Lets analyze it
Since the beginning of human existence, women have traditionally taken up the role of a nurturer whereas men have assumed the responsibility of a provider. During those days, hunting was the primary activity that fed the family and men were stronger and more physically suited to be hunters or providers. Women, on the other hand, were able to connect better emotionally and were given the gift of love and affection and care and so they assumed the responsibility of raising a family while the men were away.
Times have changed!
Times have changed, of course, and now both men and women take turns at being a provider and nurturer depending on their situation. Women have, slowly, over the centuries, come out of the shadow of men, and have been doing well on the professional front, as well. That said, we, all human beings, are hard-wired from centuries of societal learning and natural circumstances, which indicate that men should work outside and women should work inside the home. Some of us have married or found men who are supportive and do not mind we, as women, working. In fact, men have started increasingly sharing daily household activities and chores. That said, not all of the women have these kinds of ultra-modern or metrosexual men in their life, which was the scenario in this case. So, what should you do if you don’t have a supportive partner?
We need to answer some questions before we take a decision:
- What is your current family situation?
- What are your priorities in your life at this stage of your career/family life?
- Do you also feel that you are not able to spend quality time with your family? This has to be irrespective of what your husband’s or family’s opinion is.
- Are you ready to sacrifice your professional career for focussing more on the family?
- Are you ready to strive and achieve a perfect balance between your personal and professional life?
- If you think you want to continue progressing in your professional life what will be the consequences?
Now, again before the feminists of the world jump to ask why a woman should be put into this situation or why only women have to make sacrifices. Let me say, that I am not saying women should or should not, I am just stating a process that you should follow if you are facing a scenario like the one above.
Priorities are different for everyone
Also, we all go through phases in life where we have a different set of priorities and these keep on changing. So, each one to her own when they are analyzing this situation, because it is only you who have to take the decision and whether right or wrong, you will be the one whose responsibility it is and who will face the consequences.
What’s your take on this?
So, what would you do if you are in this situation? Do share your point of view and thoughts in the comment section. Also, let’s not judge anyone on their opinion. It is only they who know their lives and the struggles they are going through.