The ‘crookedness of women’s behavior’ and how to understand it?

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How women’s menstrual cycles have gone haywire. Image Courtesy: The Guardian

By Haider Abbas

The Islamic and the Christian tradition is that Eve was born out of the rib of Adam and the Greeks say born after God kneaded the same dough, shows that both were born-out of the same, therefore, will undergo each other, in order to cohabit, and survive this human civilization, but ‘how-healthily’ is needed can be put into perspective.

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The issue is universal to everyone, even if one professes celibacy, yet he has to have a sister, cousins-as-sisters, mother, aunts, if not a daughter, and the subject, for men, is how to handle the women folks. For women, perhaps, the centrality of their ‘days-and-nights’ revolve around what has always been ordained for womankind –menstruation, even if a woman resolves to remain unmarried, irrespective of any class or religious/atheist background. I am not a doctor nor an anthropologist/psychologist but only a writer with very little prudence or understanding of men and women relationship, a dichotomy which has always been there since the making of the world-to what is today as in the modern world.

Women and men are equal but different. In fact women are far superior to men as it is women who are the ‘generation-force’ in the words of George Bernard Shah and yet women have always been on the receiving end i.e. dominated, exploited, castigated as war-booty or dehumanized as a whole. Why? The fault lies totally with men, solely for the misunderstanding as to what a woman anatomy makes for? Women’s best of the best contribution is to bring-up-a-healthy-generation. But is this what we find today? By healthy it is to mean physical, mental and moral health.

The world environment today is called as a post-modernism world, where there is an advent media, print or electronic, in terms of thousands of films/advertisements, irrespective of Hollywood or Bollywood, with the same syntax: towards the ‘commoditification of women’, and the way women have been dehumanized, in terms of Porn-Industry, it is called an industry! Is what may be the ultimate falling of the humans. But, since times immemorial, we have also had naked Devdasis in temples, for the entertainment of men (sic) and what about the examples of Ajanta and Ellora? With hundreds of interpretations to it. All but, shows as to how humans have remained the same.

Perhaps, these all ill-human traits have stemmed from the fact that men, at one length, do not consider women as humans. I am not being generalistic, as thousands of men and women die of sexually-transmitted-diseases every year and there are thousands of Porn-stars, who rot in diseases to die, as a result of it or from prostitution, like that of what must have happened millenniums back, and there is no story to it. On the contrary, what we find today are jokes about marriage, benefits of living-relationships, memes about women, rape within marriage etc and an overall insult to the women specie, which all are stemmed from thoughts of machismo and misogyny!

The big question is that it is not ‘only a man’s world’ by any stretch of imagination, and no matter how bigger a war the man wages, conquers land, yet what he cannot do is to bring up a baby alone, even after the advent of scientific advancements and likewise women too. Therefore, men will have to need women in order to make the world survive. Despite the fact that women are also a part of today’s warfare, open combats/Olympics etc , which is also good, but with all of it, it is menstruation which is always working around the home maker or a working woman alike. This aspect does not recede even when women are to enter menopause, after menstruation ends, as then, it invites new changes in her body. Destiny is what has made women so or else there was to be nothing in the world.

Women are subjected to this monthly distress, for she menstruates, for the world to survive, and every woman in this world at one time or the other has to face it, particularly in the wake of the still widespread misnomers, about this natural phenomenon. The blood which oozes out, is real blood, which drains energy and brings fatigue to every women, and is the same blood on which the baby survives in her womb, for nine-months to be born. The nine-months are to be followed by motherhood, makes her feed the baby by her milk, and even if she doesn’t, due to some ailment or any medical condition, the changes her body pertains, obviously takes a toll on her, yet the big question is? Are the men willing to understand? How shabbily men have treated this aspect of women, has courted an ultimate reaction in the form of the much deliberated play ‘The Vaginal Monologues’ where the punch line is that a heart contracts and expands and bleeds and vagina too contracts and expands and bleeds. Vagina is a like a heart. So that be.

For the world to survive-healthily and with its well-being, it has to understand; to feed the girl-child with the best energetic food (within the available resources) as if the girls remain underfed or discarded, the future of the civilization will fall. As once after attaining her puberty she is also to bear the same burden. There are enough doctors and more than enough information available on internet, on the subject, but what is more required is of men to understand women. Even mothers also lack the guts to sensitize their daughters, which in most of times, sends the daughter into a trail of guilt, and which, takes a time to overcome.

The unit of the family, therefore, has to be focused. It takes for men to understand and evolve in context to his wife, and if that becomes so, the marital life will blossom for the benefit of both. For this, husbands, need to attune, according to the 30 days of wife. As wife is always accustomed naturally, as per her menstrual dates, which fluctuate apart from the complications it brings every month, and the most able guidance for it, comes from a saying of Prophet Muhammed, who in Sahih Muslim, saying number 3644, says, ‘He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.’ (translation not mine).

If this saying of Prophet Muhammed is to be put to use, it speaks that if anyone finds anything displeasing with his wife, he should put it mildly (to her) with a positive frame of mind or remain silent for sometime, and be always good to wife. This saying if put under medical scanner, proves the point, for all times to come, as it is the woman’s menses, which is symbolically called as ‘crooked-part’, and that is what guides her throughout her life. It is after all, hence, her ‘periods’ which are centrality to her daily chores. Firstly there is a Pre-Menstrual syndrome, in which a woman has certain cravings like something to eat or drink and start to have anxiety bouts, itchiness, skin-complaint etc. This happens before the menses are to start. Then, during the first two-three days of her periods, the estrogen-hormone level in her body decreases causing her pain in her stomach, shins plus body or headaches, general fatigue etc. She during this time, may shows signs of being tardy/languid in her household work or in office, and may betrays signs on crying, emotional-flashes and high mood swings. Men and husbands find this quite ‘unbecoming’ and tend to start to argue with her, which stiffens the situation more, and most ideally leads to ‘differences’, which with the passing of time, become more hardened, most often leading to separations, as what has recently been witnessed, in the wake of Corona-Virus wave -2019.

This hard-time, which continues for around five-days, with irregularity in time or with a heavy-flow of blood, leaves a woman with weight gain, bloating etc , but once it ends, it leads to ‘consistency’ in her behavior and an improve in her energy levels, as estrogen hormone, this time gets on to increase. This makes her face to glow from the third day her period ends, and which continue to be ‘at the top’ between her 10th day until the 13th day, and which goes on till the 18th day. This is the time when she exudes positivism in decision-making, liveliness, and also that she become fertile, looks attractive and optimistic too etc These are the days when husbands need to notify for ‘planning for anything or discussing any idea’ as the most opportune phase. After this, again, an emotional imbalance takes place in her body and she may carry ‘anything good’, towards negativity, as it is again the time when her estrogen levels start to go down. After her 18th day of periods, she may start to show sensitivity towards small-small things, and needs powerful and energetic diets, as she gets into a retard-mode till probably her 28th day, when her serotonin level fluctuates , and a general tiredness envelops her around, with an increase in weight etc again. Estrogen hormones are related to her all reproductive conduciveness etc.

Men have to take record of the entire 30 days, not from the commencement of the month, but from the day when her menses end. Men if do not like anything during her menses have to ignore as women in that duration are always under hormonal-changes, but that does never mean she is not loving/caring as this is what Prophet Muhammed had exactly meant, and if during that time, the husband starts his improvement skills on her, the desired result won’t be coming. And also that it would be completely in contrast to what Prophet Muhammed had given as a guideline; this ‘phase’ is what is the ‘crooked-part’, and if not adhered to, will always turn out to a loss.

Therefore, what is to be done, as men cannot change her behavioral-pattern, hence, men ought to assimilate the reality and ‘walk-side-by-side’, and once if husbands start to learn from her inherent mechanism there is no need to extol for a change in her. There is a typical saying that men and women are the wheels of the same vehicle but what apart from that? It is this understanding which ought to be instilled in men or else the bumpy ride of relations is all to continue.

Women are subjected to these ‘circumstances’ every month, invite health issues pertaining to her gynecology ( pre-pregnancy) and obstetric ( post- pregnancy)issues, apart from all other health issue which can contract a male member, hence, it is the vulnerability of the women, for her whole life, which has to be put into perspective by brothers, sons, uncles, husbands and fathers. God has made males, the natural protectors of women and that is what would make the world more livable. Men need to learn it, for the ordained future to be lived healthily, as these ‘turns’ will confront everyone, bachelor or spinster, and it is now time for the hidden face of Eve to come out , more brighter, than ever it was.

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The writer is a former UP State Information Commissioner.

1 COMMENT

  1. The article is a classical write up of medical treatise in a most interesting journalistic texture. Master-piece of Haider’s Writing’s.

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